Do you ever have someone say they really want to have kids right now, but there is something holding them back?
They proceed to tell you (I am unsure of whether they realize or not) the ways to which they continue to hold themselves back. Contributing to the reason they can't, but they want to soooo bad!
It is frustrating to hear this over and over again from the same people, when I wish it was a case of more money, time, less bills or whatever their reason; for us to have a child.
In order for us to have kids now, we must pass the scrutiny of the multitudes. Not just the people we do know, but the government and social workers as well. We need references and lots of money. We even have to write a bio page about us and our house, so the mother can look at our home and decide if that fits what she wants for her child (will our house be big enough for anyone, will our looks work against us, will anyone accept our pets, our jobs or the rest of our family?) Then we also have to pay for lawyers and any other fees associated with the adoption process.
I wish this whole process were simpler. I wish there wasn't going to be interviews twice with a social worker, that will assess our home, finances and well us! We are nervous, since we do not have full family support. In fact some of the family is opposed. This is hard for us, when deep down we look at everyone else that will have a baby born this year and none of them endure all this scrutiny.
No women in Canada that is pregnant will have their finances assessed, their homes judged or they're mental health evaluated. Yet people are telling us that adoption is so easy!
It is the first thing people say to us when we miscarry again, "don't worry you can always adopt!"
Even the adoption website makes it clear that we could pass all the government evals, legal parameters and have a profile in the box..."We certainly can't and don't promise that every family will get a baby. "
Then there is how long it will take.."be prepared for a three year wait with the understanding that it could be much shorter or much longer".
When you are picked, in Canada, it is legal for the birth mother to withdraw her parental release and take her child back (anywhere within 10 days after the date the birth mother signed the consent forms or she can fight in court anytime after that time, stating she signed under duress. A judge could then revoke our parental rights). All these things scare us!
So please do not complain to me about things stopping you and then in the following sentence how you are doing it to yourself. People in my shoes would give anything to have their own baby, and nothing gets in their way. If we can make it through this mountain, then your stuff looks more like a mole hill.
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