The Sky is Falling, The Sky is Falling!

Through this experience I have met some people as shallow as a petrie dish. People who think that the sky is falling, when their sky is blue; with just a little clouds. They don't really listen to what you're trying to say, they try to say it for you. They're more important then you in every way, especially the events in their life. They seem unaware of what you are saying...it is all about them.

I am tired of the woe is me, I can't afford to buy anything. Woe is me, my house is too small; my job sucks; I didn't get Concert Tickets... Woe is me, but I did it to myself and continue to do it to myself. Enough!
Who needs to hear that crap on an average day, let alone the day they get bad news. Someone who is continually experiencing self-inflicted trauma in their life, and then dumping it on people experiencing real trauma is sick. It is too much!

At least through it all, I am learning some valuable things..

1. The current generation is narcacistic. They don't care about you. They're all "me, me, ME!". The one who really cares and will always listen is God, and He does care...He will always be there for you (even when you can't feel Him).
2. When you feel as though you cannot go on, and that God has abandoned you...you will not see that He is carrying you through, until the time He knows you are able to stand on your own again. Until that time, you will be angry at Him, maybe even hate Him and He will take all of it and love you despite it.
3. No matter what people say, think, feel or "believe", perception is NOT fact. There is no point worrying, crying, fighting, seeking vengeance or being depressed over these things. People will continue to lie or believe what they want; you cannot change a mind that is made up or a persons will. Just rest assured that the Lord does know, there is only one truth and in the end God asks us to live upright, not defend ourselves. So seek Gods will, live rightousley and if you do wrong correct it; just don't fret over what others say or do. In the end, you come before Him for judgement and you will not be judged by other peoples actions, only your own.          "I thought in my heart, "God will bring to judgment both the righteous and the wicked, for there will be a time for every activity, a time for every deed."   ~Ecclesiastes 3:17
4. If God is there to carry you through, then surely the enemy is not far behind. Know that crap happens, and God is not the perpretrator...so run to Him and not away from His protection and love.
5. God does give you the desires of your heart. It doesn't always look like what you planned, and it doesn't always happen in your time. When it does happen, rest assured it will be more then you could have imagined for yourself and that He does know what He is doing.                         "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven"   ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1                                                              
6. Also know that God does not "punish" you for your actions...your actions can have consequences, and they are punishment enough. Consequences can have some very undesireable repercussions and you made those choices. After all, God gave us free will!
7. Remember God is a God of second chances, miracles can happen and we should always ask for them, then HOPE. 
8. And remember, ANNIE predicted it... "The sun'll come out, Tomorrow!"

Till then, just keep swimming, just keep swimming! ~ Dori (Finding Nemo)

This past 2 years, it feels like death is all we know. It has come up and swallowed us whole.




It is dark and the pain all consuming.




In the state of grief we are in, it is difficult to see the sunnier side of life. Once and awhile we glimpse wonderful sunsets, wildlife or the moon and it reminds us that there is still beauty in the world.



Other times, without much forsight on my part, I end up thinking about our precious children. It is usually triggered by other children, being teased about when I am finally going to get on the baby making train, hearing "I'm pregnant!", watching our friends with envy or the countless reminders around our house (scrapbooking stuff, the baby items we had bought in our anticipation and even our wedding pics...yes they remind me of what we were hoping for that day, a family).
It was to the point I was tempted to burn everything we owned, especially my scrapbooking room.


Just a couple of months ago, I finally started scrapbooking/cardmaking again. I am trying to keep my focus on the positive experiences we are having in our lives right now...
We have wonderful pets, we are almost completely debt free again (not counting good debt - ie a mortgage), we are working on the yard this summer and we are meeting people where we live. David is a volunteer firefighter now too and he is seriously looking into a new career, which would make having kids possible for us. :)

Trying to bathe in the sunshine for now...